Never Lost A Sparrow Yet
by OrionRedStar
Summary: Jack Sparrow in a funny situation, staying with the idea of his neurotic side of funny, putting him in a tight spot of being with Elizabeth during the time of labor, giving birth to their child takes its toll more on Jack than it does on Elizabeth!
**Never Lost A Sparrow Yet**

OrionRedStar

Summary:

Author: OrionRedStar  
Story: Never Lost A Sparrow Yet  
Genre: Humor  
Pairing; Jack Sparrow / Elizabeth Swann  
Type: M-F  
Other Characters: Teague, Barbossa, Gibbs  
Time Frame: After World's End  
Rating: PG - Teen  
Story Summary: Short one chapter story of Jack and Lizzie have a baby, Jack loses his cool entirely and cannot get it together.

Notes:

This is just a humor filled idea of taking the funny and neurotic side of Jack Sparrow's characteristics and tossing him into the fray of handling the night of Elizabeth Swann, who is going into labor with the birth of their child. Nothing too explicit sexually, but some baby-birth facts of life stuff presented in story, but mild and written within a humorous format.

Work Text:

 **NEVER LOST A SPARROW YET**

Jack wasn't certain if it was Elizabeth's soft treble voice stating his name rather inaudibly, or the vast amount of wetness that suddenly appeared within the space between them that totally soaked the middle of the bed. Jack was startled awake, fumbling to see where he was. Realizing he and Elizabeth were at Shipwreck Cove by the surrounding décor, that pretty much had not been a major factor for the disruption. However, Jack Sparrow was woken with an abrupt and hasty start. It was still quite dark out and it only felt as if he'd been asleep a short time. That was indeed the case. After a very early dinner, and because of Elizabeth complaining that she felt an odd 'cramping' in her legs, they had gone off to bed on the early side. Jack glanced at the bottle of rum he had placed on the side of his bed, tried to focus on it, and observed the same amount was still within. Obviously it could not have been there for long since the level had not altered. Feeling the bed shift, Jack's thoughts immediately turned to Elizabeth. Glancing casually over his shoulder he saw her sitting on the side of the mattress. Elizabeth appeared somewhat stoic as she stared down at the door. Voice laden with heaviness from sleep, Jack finally grumbled,

"Oh…what ' _tis_ it–Lizzie?"

Jack's focus was on the back of Elizabeth's head, then suddenly she appeared to lean over…doubled over, in fact bent over so far she was nearly spilling over the opposite side of the bed! When his focus sharpened and became clear, Jack could discern that Elizabeth's face was as red as a beet; evidently in the throes of a labor pain and unable to respond to him.

" _Bloody hell_ ….."

Jack's obsidian black orbs widened to their fullest as he catapulted himself out of the bed, virtually leaping over Elizabeth's body in the daring maneuver. Landing on the floor and placed in front of her, his black eyes were scanning the scenario before him. Although they had discussed this moment already and had reviewed what he in particular was to do when this special time arrived, Jack was totally alarmed and knew in his feeble, rum soaked mind that he had to do something important when this happened―but at the moment the task and the amount of rum he consumed only hours ago, the plan had eluded his pickled mind entirely. Standing there with each arm out stretched as if they were makeshift wings, Jack parlayed his reeling body to remain stationery as he spoke aloud, as if to configure his next maneuver and state it out loud so that Elizabeth could say yay or nay with approval or no to provided a hint.

"Right…this is _it_ then, 'tisn't it?"

Jack's voice was filled with excitement, fear and incredible trepidation. On that note, Elizabeth drew in a sharp breath and was holding it along with her rotund belly and starting to pant. A bold, fresh jolt of fear surged within Jack as he then stated out loud, trying to gain some foresight here in the midst of terror,

"Now…I'm mos' definitely s'posed t' do _somethin'_ …..right?" Jack stated while hedging his next action.

A panting Elizabeth glared up at Jack; her bright red visage screwed up in pain and was presently holding back a scream. She was not believing Jack was this daft and had forgotten! With amber eyes half shut and groaning, all Elizabeth could do was nod an exasperated 'yes' of her head, the flaxen hair thrashing with her jerky and sudden movements.

Holding his hands fanned out as if he were looking to grasp something tangible, as if _that_ was the important item in an assist within the crucial moment of need, Jack stated aloud with angst and frenzy.

"I'm off t' fetch the _midwife,_ then?"

Looking over to the side of the room as if she was having a silent side bar with an invisible witness to this unbelievable travesty, Elizabeth gawped again with pain. She took a deep breath, looked up at Jack with a piercing glare, and once more nodded an overly done nodding of a 'yes'.

Jack took a deep breath and stood there with lips taut and not breathing until he then muttered,

"Right…I'm off… _you_ ….y' _stay 'ere_ , then―"

Elizabeth glared up at Jack with wide golden eyes of hot coals as if mentally chastising him with a seething 'Do I _look_ like I am going _anywhere?'_ She was not understanding what the hell happened to her ready-set-go Captain Sparrow who was a main stay of decision and command. This was a powerful man of reasoning when in the face of a tempest, or presented a readied sword in hand with a formidable monster. But suddenly, Jack Sparrow was reduced to a blathering, quaking bundle of nerves! A simpleton who seemed to have absolutely no clue whatsoever as what to do!

Jack dashed over to slip on his britches and hastily tug on his shirt, coat and effects. Having no time for toiling about with obstinate boots, Jack tore out of the bedroom leaving the door wide opened. Sparrow then stood there in the hallway―baffled. He turned around to glance back into the bedroom at Elizabeth and inquired with a rush of angst and panic,

"Uh…which way…d' I go….'tis it that way or this, luv?"

Unable to hold back any longer from the excruciating agony, Elizabeth let out a horrific scream and doubled over. As she managed to stick out her arm, it was pointing for Jack to depart to the right and down the hall. The sight of her screeching and the impact of that outrageous scream of intense anguish thwarted his departure. Jack's orbs grew to the size of giant saucers. Seeing how much torment she was in, Jack was reluctant to abandon the scene; to virtually leave her alone in this shocking state. Starting to waiver back and forth in the hall, Sparrow was looking for an able bodied person to appear so they could assist and help out. So, at the moment Jack's wavering of making a firm decision either way, had him winding up dashing down the hall…..in the wrong direction! Somehow as he had galloped off not knowing where the hell he was going.

Jack was re-entering the bedroom, drifting aimlessly moments later without even realizing it. His breathing almost as frantic as Elizabeth's, Jack was torn as to what to do in this crisis. The only thing he _did_ know was that he did not want to leave her. Watching Elizabeth wailing again as she was panting and screeching at the same time, Jack found his breathing was just as shallow and rapid as hers! Unconsciously he was mirroring what he was witnessing and inadvertently becoming dizzy from the hyperventilation.

"Mebbe I should stay on jus' a trifle longer, eh? I can't jus' _leave_ y' like this, luv…I―I cannot do it―leavin' y' in yer great time of _need_ , then!"

Jack choked out the words through his obvious terror over observing what was happening to her. Elizabeth picked up a candelabrum from the night stand and hurled it at Jack's head. Luckily for his lightning like dodge, it missed his skull. However, it clearly made the point as Jack backed out of the room and wound up in the main corridor again with a new sense of purpose.

"Right, _got it_ ….I go an' fetch the midwife…I'm _off_ , straight 'way…I'm goin' right _now_." Jack stammered as he was a bit taken back by Elizabeth's glowering evil eyes following his movement as Sparrow continued to inch backwards.

As Jack kept talking and lingering, he was going absolutely nowhere! He could not peel his orbs off of his sweetheart, as she was doubled over while struggling for breath. Too panicked and indecisive for travailing over what he should do, Jack actually meandered haphazardly back in the middle of the hall. He stood there, eyes focused keenly into the bedroom and watching in shock stricken awe the scene unfolding within.

As Jack fidgeted and loitered in the passageway, Elizabeth groaned and suddenly there was a show of fluid mixed with a bit of blood which came forth from under her gown. Jack stood there aghast, his mouth grimacing as his black orbs widened in complete and utter horror as to what he had just witnessed. Jack did not even breathe he was so smitten with anxiety over what he'd just seen and how it made him feel.

Elizabeth sat there, trying to deal with the pain and her _own_ fear, her fingers turning yellow and knuckles white as she gripped the edge of the mattress for a stronghold of focus. She was so out of breath from panting and retching, it was nearly impossible to form any words for her wavering spouse. The only communication that Elizabeth could emit came out in the form of grunts. That was the only human sounds which seemed to come forth when she attempted speech. Nearly swallowing her own tongue in the attempt, Elizabeth tried once more to get a message through to Jack. He simply could not just _stand_ there and gawk at her! She needed a midwife to help her and needed it _quickly_. The pains had escalated to happening within moments of each other and that meant birth was imminent; a new baby was going to be born very soon.

Jack's paranoia and panic quickly escalated to an all new high as the all horrific and real events were taking place right before his eyes. They were just too graphically ghastly for Sparrow to even watch―yet a transfixed set of ebony eyes could not tear away from Elizabeth. His mounting fear prevented him from leaving her alone in this horrendous predicament…especially knowing what was about to occur. Jack stood there between the bedroom and hallway, actually inside of the door jamb, torn with indecision as to what he should do or which way to go. The only thing he _could_ do was plant himself there in horror as he witnessed the imminent birth of his first child, which was going to happen right before his eyes.

"J….Ja….Jack…" Elizabeth finally managed to grunt out his name.

"Aye!"

Jack responded immediately to her side, but another contraction hit too suddenly. Once more Elizabeth was riding the crest of a wave. She reached out and gripped a fist full hold of Jack's vest, nearly pulling him onto the floor! Jack held fast as Elizabeth jerked wildly at his clothing, all the while screaming bloody murder. Jack was virtually going deaf from her shrieks, but managed to steady himself from falling down. In a desperate attempt, he tried to communicate with Elizabeth as she was rending at his clothes!

"Right….hold on then, luv…..lots of _pain_ then, 'tis it?"

Elizabeth could not answer and Jack watched as once more her jaw dropped. Through gritted teeth she began to pant like an overly brewed and steaming tea pot, ready to boil over. The present scream was just as shrill as the last readied tea pot. Jack winced as he observed Elizabeth's twisted visage and only guessed at the enormity of pain; it must have been excruciating. Jack had never seen anybody in that much anguish before, and had been privy to seeing limbs sawed off during bad battles! Even with the injured strewn about and dying, nothing was ever this horrific to Jack Sparrow's eyes as this, now panning Elizabeth's facade.

Elizabeth still had a death grip on the sleeve of Sparrow's shirt. She was clutching onto it with a madness glowering within her wide and bulging eyes. She stared at Jack, and to his estimation, it appeared as if Elizabeth was trying to tell him something.

"What….what 'tis it darlin'….tell me what y' _need_ then…what can I do fer ya?" a frantic Jack had asked Elizabeth in earnest to make a valiant attempt of being all present for her in any way he could manage.

Still hanging onto Jack's shirt sleeve, Elizabeth tugged on it as if it contained a symbolic meaning. She was glancing down at the next stream of fluid which was trickling down her inner leg. Jack's gaze followed hers until he saw the same stream emanating from her body. His black eyes shot open even wider...if that was at all possible. The fear locked into his visage of terror as the imaginings within his mind took over. This was really the moment when he should have been the stellar operator that he was. What better way to divert her attention from this situation other than putting on the charm? He thought to utilize those Sparrow witticisms and entertain her...a way to preoccupy Elizabeth when she was in need of a diversionary tactic. Where was that daunting and debonair captain now during this ominous pain? Right now, he was cowering at the sight of a bit of blood, and trepidation had literally frozen his appendages into becoming a stationary statue!

"Get _help_ ….." Elizabeth managed to muster up through gritted teeth, as she felt the beginning of yet another powerful contraction.

Jack nodded, his black kohl lined eyes scaled into larger orbs than imaginable as he tried to stand erect, but Elizabeth had not released his shirt and was literally hanging off of him by use of her death grip.

"Right….I shall…uh….le'me _go_ , luv….I―"

That was when Elizabeth burst into another even louder scream that nearly blew away his ear drums. Jack managed to tear himself free from her clutches and started to back up and away from her. All the while he moved, Jack never stopped staring at Elizabeth. There she was, bent over again, as far as that tremendous belly would allow. Elizabeth howled so loud, Jack nearly started to scream with her. His alarmed voice scaled three octaves up as his onyx eyes shot open even wider, dashing back and forth in the hall as he was in a quandary. What to do next? Stopping the running in place for just a second, Jack realized through his mental fog of fear that this procedure was definitely _not_ getting him anywhere. Holding up a halting hand and stilling his breath, Sparrow was unable to speak. Jack grabbed onto the door jamb trying to ballast himself for he was still getting dizzy from hyperventilating. When Jack finally could talk, he held up a reassuring hand and his voice spilled out in a string of surging, nerve wracking gasps of lexis.

"OH…OH…" Jack nearly doubled over with a sudden aching pain in his abdomen which caught him off guard, "I'm goin' now darlin'…not t' worry, eh? After all Lizzie, I am Cap'in Jack Sparrow an' I―"

When the other candelabra sailed past Jack's head like a speeding bullet, deflected off the wall and fell with a loud clatter next to him, Jack knew he was in trouble. Finally he was picking up the indication that things were _not_ going so well. Elizabeth was glaring at him as if she were going to tear Jack into shreds with her bare hands if he did not get himself together and do what had to be done―what they had practiced to do for weeks on end―and he'd better do it _fast_.

Jack took off and began running down the hall to fetch the midwife. Clad in just his loosely thrown on clothes with clacking effects dragging on the floor in his wake. Sparrow was clumsily pulling on one arm of his coat as he ran through the hallways. A mad dash around the blind corner of the corridor and Jack wound up bumping into Gibbs. Clinging onto this first mate for balance and nearly knocking him over, Sparrow was in a frenzy. Gibbs held fast to his captain while Jack stammered out what was going on. The garbled message seemed to be for help―send for the Royal Navy it was to be Sparrow's exact interpretation. Obviously that was incorrect, but at times like this, who _did_ expect him to get it right? Jack was out of sorts as well as being out of his boots; it was like having a raving mad lunatic on the loose. Giving Sparrow the mission to find the right facilitate, Gibbs figured what it actually was he expected to fetch. Taking the lead and dragging Jack Sparrow with him, Gibbs managed to get the idea right. Sparrow was in a tizzy; the man was an absolute jumbled ball of neurotic nerves!

Finally able to seek out the correct selection of women that actually _were_ midwives instead gathering up a cook, seamstress or barmaid, Jack had scurried them all back to the room. He also managed to grab at any and all other women who just happened to cross his path. Any female in sight willing to assist the crazed and panicked pirate, was enlisted to his desperate mission.

Jack was now positioned outside of their new found residence and bedroom, standing about in those same breeches and half buttoned waist coat. Nearly half clad, Jack was attempting to keep himself amused by finishing getting dressed. On the off chance this worked out, he was also trying to muster up a spirit of genuine excitement about the birth of his little boy―which seemed to be taking forever to arrive in this world. His child was delaying its appearance all of the sudden and this fact was not particularly doing much for Jack's rattled nerves. He was biting his fingernails, pacing about the living quarters, endlessly talking to himself, and pretty much ignored poor Gibbs. A few other crew members that were privy to the main event had wandered into the corridor. As Jack was in the middle of conjuring up another means of oratory reprimand to himself, for ultimately having done this ghastly deed to Elizabeth, he then stopped short in his tracks. When Jack looked up, he physically balked in place as he suddenly spotted Teague. His father was briskly pedaling his way down the long corridor headed right towards them.

"Oh _bugger_ ―"

As Teague got closer, a pleased smile formed upon his leathery face with the prospect. Greeting his son in a boisterous bellow of joy, Teague said to Jack,

"Rumor has it that my son's been seen running around the corridors without his boots…" and then added as he glanced down at Jack's bare footed status, "Are you drinkin' more rum again than you should?" Teague sneered at Sparrow, who looked like something the cat had just dragged in.

Jack turned around, glanced over at the closed door and heard another moan echo through the wooden wall. Obviously Elizabeth was still racked with dire pain and those telltale sounds were emitted from her mouth. Sparrow's eyes squinted as his countenance scrunched up into a wince in reaction. Jack was unable to respond right away to Teague for the wave of guilt had washed over him once more. Staring at the door that separated him from his beloved Elizabeth, Jack felt physically ill again as he eventually responded to his father's inquiry in a strained voice,

"Unfortunately, there 'tisn't _'nough_ rum to drown out _that_ , then. S' the answer to yer query 'tis _no_ ….I'm _not pissed_. Elizabeth has gone into _labor_ , then."

Teague chewed on the end of his pipe with an unapologetic nip, then gave a listen to the awful howls himself.

"How long has this been goin' on, eh?"

Jack was not really interested in this contrite conversation as his pacing seemed to indicate. Off he went into his pacing routine, not offering a glance at where his father stood. Sparrow's complete focus was on that closed door, glowering at is as if he wished to pass through it to be with Elizabeth; to hold her hand or stroke her cheek and tell her all would be well.

"Not too long―jus' 'ow long d' these thin's bloody well _take_ …" Jack asked in retrospect, still pacing and now only occasionally glancing at the closed portal as he added, "Those _awful_ sounds comin' outa that room…I don't rightly know what t' _do_ 'bout all this….. I can't lose 'er now–just _can't_."

With all of Jack's fretting being aired in this impromptu confession of sorts, he started to feverishly lope back and forth with a frenzied pace. Clearly panic had overtaken his senses and Jack was fearful that all this time passing meant there were sinister happenings were going on inside that bedroom. His obsidian eyes were glaring at the door as if he wanted to peer through it. Jack shook his head in angst as he wanted to know what was making Elizabeth sound so awful. He had never heard sounds like this in his entire life.

Teague was touched by his son's candid attitude and show of vulnerability. Surely Jack must have been incredibly frightened to talk as agreeably as he had―especially confiding his heart to his father like this. Teague was also moved and wanted to help Jack get through this. A first time father was new to the birth process. In spite of how clever Jack was in handling the obstacles life offered him, when it came to his sensitive heart, Teague saw his son was failing. This was too raw of an emotion for Jack to handle. Teague was about to offer Jack some sage advice when a particularly horrid and shrill scream from Elizabeth echoed from the room. Instantly Jack whipped around and froze, his eyes wincing in sympathetic anguish, holding his own gut for the stab of sympathy pains which attacked him as well, he nearly swooned. Jack could vividly imagine what was going on in there amid her screams and the midwifes' yelling instructions at her. Pert and at attention, Jack was tuned-in to the screeching of female voices going on inside. It took its toll for Sparrow was visibly shirking in horror.

"Oh no…no…. _NOT good_ ―I can't _do_ this―" Jack winced, hearing the squalls within and erupted into a whole new swell of panic.

Teague cocked his head, his black eyes honing in on Jack who appeared like a little boy that was going to run and hide under a table!

"Do _what_ , boy? I should think the _only_ matter to be done had already been handled by _you_ as it 'tis…" Teague jested as a few among the limited company had also chuckled at the insinuation.

Jack was almost unable to catch his breath, hyperventilating as he paced back and forth. The long braids of his dark dreadlocks of hair whipped into the air as his head snapped, facing the door thinking of an adequate exit line, when Elizabeth screamed out in utter agony once more. That sent Jack off into a tail spin.

"I can't do _t h i s_ , stand 'round 'ere like a bloody _twit_ an' jus' listen t' the torture she's goin' through! It's all m' fault…I'd swived 'er _senseless_ ―day n' night t' get 'er this way! An look― _look_ what I've done to 'er? This is killin' her!"

A gut wrenching moan resonated from inside and Jack was done for, flustered and looking to bolt for the exit once more in a desperate attempt to flee the scene.

"Right, _I can't do this_ ―I'm off."

"Yer not to go anywhere―an' _she's_ doin' all the _doin_ '!" Teague growled.

Jack looked at Teague's face as his father kept a sharp eye watching Jack. Sparrow was pacing, wringing his hands and suffering all the torments of hell while listening to Elizabeth. The blood curdling screams on the other side of the door were unimaginable. Finally catching his father's gawk, Jack turned defensive and sinister as he snapped at him with a confrontational growl.

"Oh, so let's ' _ave_ it, then. Tell me…how am I a wretched an' bad lot then, I know yer _thinkin'_ it, eh?"

Jack blazed fireball eyes at his father with the utmost inner rage he could muster. He was incensed that his father contained absolutely no clue or slight idea the private hell which he was currently residing. Listening to Elizabeth's screams and standing there doing absolutely nothing at all to aide her was torment. It was eating Jack's insides out. But now here came this heartless bastard to poke fun at his weaknesses as well as provoke the situation at hand.

"Now, what?" Teague asked with a raised brow of curiosity.

He could see the steam in his eyes and now wondering why Jack had turned on him. It had to be out of frustration and looking to cross verbal swords with him. Jack built himself into quite a frenzy, dashing about pacing from one end of the hallway to the other, arms flouncing, his gestures getting more animated as the flailing arms were angled to create larger and bigger sweeps. There was no doubt as Sparrow's anxiety mounted, so did his desire for confrontation being directed towards a very reserved Teague.

"Whatever it 'tis you've got t' say 'bout me…c' mon….. _out_ wif it. Shatter me wif some other profound notion of yers as t' my bein' completely an' totally out of me mind right now. I can't 'elp it, I'm in love wif 'er an' I _care_ 'bout what's 'appenin' t' 'er in there…I'm…I'm…. _SENSITIVE..._ alright!?" Jack shouted out in dissent.

After Jack's histrionic comeback, Teague stood there dead still, staring blankly as his son. Sparrow was obviously having an emotional and mental meltdown right there before his very eyes. Jack gulped having realized he just went off on his father and did it right in front of all the other pirates. They were in the hall waiting there with stoic expressions for what Teague would do. Jack went momentarily catatonic; standing there in a rigid position and fashionably waiting for Teague to pull out his pistol and beat him over the head with it. Much to everyone's surprise, Teague smiled a bit. It was the kind of smile which came with a great deal of sage wisdom. He seemed more amused over Jack's wild ravings than insulted. Once that was displayed, the entire room seemed to breathe a bit easier and relax. The most dangerous man in the room was more entertained than incensed by his son's neurotic ramblings. Teague expected this behavior, knowing Jack the way he did and how much he loved Elizabeth.

"I've nothin' t' say." Teague's deep voice rumbled, his answer mingling with a tint of humor in it.

Jack heard Teague announce that out loud and was finding this very hard to fathom. Jack stood there, his onyx black eyes staring at his father with complete and utter surprise. Jack's arms fell at his sides, exasperated as he leaned forward, getting up into his father's face with lips twitching.

"Y' don't. An' why am I 'avin trouble wrapin' me brain 'round _that_ , then?" Jack challenged with an evil, narrow-eyed peer.

"Because I went through the very same thin' when _you_ were born."

Teague's low rumble in this very profound and natural response seemed sincere as his wise smile broadened over Jack's countenance of bewilderment. He stood there in utter amazement for not anticipating such a sentimental statement about his father's angst over his birth. Sparrow's mouth drew taunter and was unable to respond. Once more having mangled his own father's expression and twisting it sot that he felt there was no real emotions of good intentions behind it. Finally, after blinking a bit, Jack managed to mutter out a meek and surrendering response of,

"Y' did?"

"Yes, _bloody_ bastard that I'd _be_ in yer eyes…but aye, I loved ye none th' less."

Jack's lips twitched in pensive thought, moved by what his father had just confessed. They were about to have a 'moment' but for the god awful groan and then horrible scream which echoed from the room. The words of the midwives were screaming at Elizabeth to push. Jack felt dizzy and propped himself up against the wall with an extended arm to buttress him. Jack's raven dreadlocks were swaying in front of his face in a back and forth sweep motion. Just then, Jack happened to look up off to the side and there, lumbering down the hall, was Captain Hector Barbossa. Jack became exasperated for now his display of utter angst and upset was swiftly becoming the best show in Shipwreck Cove! Jack glanced up to the ceiling in utter despair and shook his head, long braids still swaying the other way now as he sarcastically lamented,

"That's jus' fine! 'Tis _nothin'_ sacred? Is this birth t' be a bloody _public event_ , an' m' wife's sufferin's t' be heard by all, is it? Why not set up a keg o' rum out 'ere in the corridor n' _sell tickets_ whilst yer at it, eh?"

Barbossa took one glance at Jack's irritable insanity and ravings. Gazing at Sparrow as if that is exactly what he expected of him, Hector casually side-stepped the frazzled Jack in the middle of his tirade. Sauntering over to the rest of the calmer pirates, Barbossa greeted all. Meanwhile, poor Jack continued to mutter to himself and resume his vigil of pacing back and forth in his bare feet. Barbossa visually absorbed the ridiculous sight of what was looking like a mental meltdown of Jack Sparrow. Face winced up with curiosity and puzzlement, Hector glanced over to Teague and barked with the boisterous holler of annoyance that only he possessed,

"What _ails_ 'im?"

Pintel, ever the one to get involved and open his big mouth inappropriately–especially when he shouldn't, blurted out the answer with an exuberant and robust yell as the first to reply,

"'e's _SENSITIVE!_ " Pintel shouted out the most obvious answer to all gathered to witness this mayhem.

Barbossa stared at Jack's soured puss, just standing there shaking his head and utterly mortified over the most recent wave of humiliation he was now being subjected to―being reduced to a pillar of salt in a matter of just two measly seconds. Jack was not sure how long he could endure; not only what was going on inside the bedroom, but now _this_! A circle of pirates about observing him in this stage play of embarrassment. This caused Jack some real grief. Nearly every major male pirate lord that was present knew his name. Not only that, but what used to be his stellar reputation as a stand up man―fearsome Pirate Lord of the Caribbean―was all shot to hell. Sparrow was reduced to becoming a quivering mental mess right before their very eyes. The dishonor, mortification...doubled.

"Aye." Jack responded in a one word, stoic retort.

At this stage Jack was clearly unwilling to engage the man in conversation or to begin a debate with anyone right now. In lieu of what was happening to him, how his life was crumbling before everyone's eyes, Jack was mum. In his present state of rebellion, he decided that he had far too many thoughts swirling in his head. Sparrow could only think about the terrible scenario that must be taking place on the other side of that ominous door.

"Jackie," Teague announce clearing his throat.

Jack did not react. Teague saw the way Jack was withdrawing into a shell, and so now he altered course. His father spoke somewhat solemnly, but was attempting to draw Jack into any type of conversation. It was done merely to keep him preoccupied just enough from going full tilt over the rainbow with worry.

"Tell Barbossa what's goin' on this evenin' and why you're standin' about in yer bare feet. Perhaps _that_ might be a good idea t' start with, eh?"

The wiser man spoke his words carefully after standing in silence behind Jack for a moment.

"Aye," Barbossa bellowed as he crossed his arms across one another over his chest, lifted his head and peered over his beard while waiting in expectation to hear the details from Jack himself, "So what manner of gatherin' be this…'tis it what I'd hoped it be, then?"

Jack was silent until he remembered he'd not had the chance to put his boots on, and was still in fact standing about in his bare feet. All in all, Jack was aware of the double meaning of his father's comment and remarked in a vapid tone as he stared at the door.

"Would you regret it much if I preferred _not_ to explain?"

But as Jack said it, he pulled out of the tail spin only a few seconds to think a bit of something prominent. Jack tugged himself in a thoughtful aside, realizing how harsh he had been to his father. Wanting to make amends for handling him with such carelessness, Sparrow wanted to use a more friendly approach. Jack smirked as he shot an inside glace to Teague. He noted his father had not countered that thoughtful gesture with a response. Feeling that a complete engagement with his father was needed, Jack knew he had to be sincere with him. Jack heaved a heavy sigh, turned around and looked to all accounted for. Jack then exchanged his sardonic tone to a far sweeter one for his father's sake and replied to Hector,

"No. I would 'ave thought y'd 'ave heard the stories of m' sordid life b' now…runnin' naked in _all_ parts of t' world…they've seen more of m' nether regions than mos', eh?"

Everyone laughed at Jack's humorous comment as he donned the fool role, which he could only fold into for a microsecond to lighten the heavy atmosphere leftover from his conflict with Teague. Elizabeth had been howling on the other side of the door and no matter how loud the pirates in the hall chatted. The din grew from their interaction, but her screams were the most piercing sound that Jack was intently aware and could not shut out. Even Barbossa attempted to engage Jack in discourse, but it was no use. The man clearly was a total wreck. He stood there, facing the door and the fingers of his hand flexed in his pockets, dying to reach up and place them upon the door knob.

Jack, whose attention was solely on the noise factor in the room, suddenly jerked his head up realizing that there was too long of a silence from inside. That lethal and deathly calm was almost more deafening and oppressive than all the wailing. Unable to withstand the suspense, Jack shot over to the door and leaned his head up against it. He tried very hard to discern what was going on, paying attention to all the low rumblings. He listened to the door and tried to decipher what was being said by the midwives. Thee was a definite chattering going on among them.

Teague had been watching Jack's moves closely and felt this was not a good idea for several reasons. With a few long-legged steps, Teague reached out his his long arm, grasped Jack by the scruff of the neck and by his waistcoat. With a firm tug, he jerked his son clear from the door with a heavy jolt. As Jack stared at his father in awe, he was surprised over just how powerful his father still was. Teague shook his head in a calm reprimand at his wayward son, his low rumbling voice not needing any volume to represent the impression implied.

"No…what Lizzie's doin in there…it's _private_ like. If they'd be needin' you fer anythin', here you'd be―let it _alone_ , Jackie."

Before anything else could be said or done, all of the pirates hearkened to the bedroom door. Just as Jack was about to reply to Teague, it creaked loudly as it sprung open. There in the portal was one of the midwives who appeared. She was poking out her head and was glancing about the room and overlooking all in attendance. Not satisfied, she then spoke softly,

"Captain Sparrow?"

With that simple address, Jack's head snapped to attention and his eyes flew open…the underlying terror just seconds away from making Jack Sparrow a complete and raving mad man. He did not know what to expect or why it was so quiet inside. Surely somebody died and he was not going to be the recipient of this dire announcement. Jack looked around the room at all the other pirates who stood in a semicircle of apprehension, waiting for Jack to respond and announce his being present. They too were certainly anxious and needed to hear the outcome. They too wanted to know what was going on with their Pirate King. Standing up as erect as he could manage before keeling over and passing out, Jack inched over to the old midwife and responded with hardly any voice to his lexis,

" _Ahem_ …yes….mmm…..that 'twould b', ummm….. _me_ , then―"

The woman looked Jack up and down as if in an appraising once over, to which Jack's irritated scowl formed, wondering _'what the bloody hell is she lookin' for?_ ' Then the woman glanced about to the other burly, motley looking bunch of scallywag pirates that were evidently awaiting to hear the same news. Finally ending Jack's torment, the portly woman gave a half laugh, recognized who was who, and suddenly reached her hand out and playfully tapped Jack in the belly, it was maybe a little bit too hard a tap in that it nearly caused him to lose his air.

"You may come in an' meet yer son."

With that statement Jack began to breathe, his chest shuddered to life as it filled with air and exhaled in a vast sigh, then he turned to howling crew of pirates cheering, along with Gibbs,

"I _knew_ it! I told 'er it 'twould b' a boy…knew it that mornin' I made 'im, I did…oh―"

Realizing he had become a bit too overzealous and was divulging a tad more information than necessary, Jack roped himself back in and then added a more appropriate nod of pride to the blushing first mate who also was elated. Jack then turned to his father and walked over to him, and instantly they both broke out in laughter, one of great relief and release of stress and the tension that had mounted between them was gone. Patting his dad on the back Jack said as he mused,

"'An' y've a grandson, I jus' hope the lit'le bugger doesn't drive y' as _mad_ as I did, eh?"

With that Jack turned around and cast his eyes over to the portal that would usher him into fatherhood. He walked forward to the opened door and sheepishly stepped into the bedroom to meet littlest Sparrow for the first time. With trepidation in his obsidian eyes, Jack poked his head into their sleeping chambers first, cloaked with nervous excitement. He was not certain what he was going to find, especially after hearing Elizabeth screaming so much. Jack was convinced she'd be half dead. As Jack entered with one small step after the other, his scared eyes instantly met the vision of Elizabeth's laying in the bed. She was propped up on pillows and all she could offer was a tired smile. As he fully entered the room, Jack closed the door behind him and stood there with uncertainty; _still_ not sure what to do next. Jack was so drained of emotions from all the fear, so right about now he was waiting to pick up a clue from Elizabeth. Knowing what Jack had suffered, she recognized his fragile state by his gingerly approach.

"Would you like to meet your son?" Elizabeth's voice barely held back the tears; she'd waited so long to say that to him.

"Aye." Jack answered as he _thought_ he had stepped closer.

Sparrow had realized he was still where he initially had stood. Jack's bare feet were pasted on the floor right where he was, instinctively still scared to budge. Jack wanted to quickly run over to the bed and be by Elizabeth's side and peer into that curious bundle in her arms. However, he was still pasted to the spot he was in at the doorway. The older midwife took the bundle from Elizabeth's arms, carefully cradled it, and brought it over to Jack. Watching her approach, his stare was mesmerizing as he focused on the small baby within the blanket. Jack made a few cautious steps to meet the midwife, as if he were afraid his presence was somehow going to unsettle the baby. Elizabeth was humored as she watched Jack glide over to the side of the midwife, leaned over from above her right shoulder, and peeked at his baby boy. Jack's face lit up as he gasped at how beautiful the tiny baby was. Finally to catch sight of what had been hidden within Elizabeth for so long, it was now _here_. Jack actually gasped.

Jack gazed down and was stunned as to how to handle the bundle, aghast the midwife suddenly reached over and handed over the tiny child to him. Stoic as he was, Jack managed to find himself reaching out for the baby automatically. He grasped it with gentle hands, appearing awkward at first, but soon adapting to the little bundle. Once it was in his arms, Jack noted that the infant hardly had any weight to him. Red and puffy looking, Jack made a facial grimace at the baby in just. He heard Elizabeth chuckling in reaction, now suddenly remembering she was still in the room. Sparrow slowly sashayed over to the bed, all the while gazing down at his baby within his arms. When Jack reached the bed to what appeared to be an exhausted Elizabeth, he leaned down carefully and kissed her lips softly. He was so worried about her; Jack had to check first that she would be okay for him to sit down upon the bed next to her before going any further.

"How's 'is mum doin'….are y' alright, luv?"

"I am exhausted, but I shall be just fine, Jack."

Elizabeth kissed Jack as he leaned into her for another kiss. As they parted, Elizabeth then glanced over at the baby cradled within Jack's arms–those strong arms which so many times over had offered _her_ comfort. Jack just sat there staring down at the stilled baby for a moment or two before shifting closer to Elizabeth on the mattress. He could scarcely contain himself or believe that this was the product of that very torrid morning; the one he so thoughtfully planned out. This child's conception was indeed in his mind that day…so now being in his arms; it was surreal for Jack. He stared down at the little bundle in his hands.

"I've got me own lit'le pirate, eh?" he mused with a crooked grin, appearing like a small lad with a wondrous toy.

Elizabeth gently kissed the baby's head and reached over to touch Jack's hand, waking him from his meditative daze and added,

"…and what are _you_ thinking about Jack? Do you imagine that being a father might be fun?"

"He looks jus' like you, then…..he's beautiful, Lizzie." he replied going completely over what she asked him.

As he sat there staring for what seemed just moments, Jack silently watched as he carefully gave the tiny child back to his mother, who needed to train the hungry newborn how to feed.

"I think 'e 'as yer eyes," Jack suggested to Elizabeth as he studied the tiny little hands, fisted into little balls.

Jack ran his index finger across the soft as silk cheek and pondered aloud as he thought of his prior turmoil of waiting was far from _fun_ as Elizabeth had intimated,

"―Mos' definitely he's got yer propensity t' drive m' _witless_ wif fear, that I'll give 'im fer _certain_. Can't say 'ow many times I nearly came undone wif all this―yer bouts of illness t' get t' this place…finally…" Jack ended with a sigh of relief, peeking out from under his curtain of dreadlocks, half covering his visage.

Elizabeth smiled up at Jack as she began to withdraw the robe to one side and anchor the baby within her arms preparing to fed him,

"I think 'e's perfect, luv…..trifle small, that…."

"Well he is only a _few minutes old_ Jack, do give him a chance!"

Jack pressed a kiss to Elizabeth's forehead and traipsed his palm from her forehead to a cheek, in total adoration of her. His onyx eyes caressed Elizabeth, wondering if she was okay. The sounds of wailing and screams emanating from this very room had curdled Jack's blood several times and he was greatly concerned about her now. And so Sparrow watched Elizabeth very carefully to make sure all was well until he could totally relax. Suddenly catching sight of the infant hungrily suckling away at Elizabeth's breast, Jack sprouted an evil grin and added with an influx of sexual charisma,

"Oh―well, _that_ 'e got from me, then."

As crude a joke as it was, but Elizabeth had to giggle at the expression of awe on Jack's façade. He would not stop studying the baby hungrily sucking away like crazy; some of the milk dribbling down the side of her breast. Lips taunt and head cocked to the side in deep concentration over the infant feeding at her breast, Jack then ruefully added with a provisioned observation,

"No doubt his technique 'tis a trifle _iffy_ , but 'es got time t' work on that, an' with _me_ as coach in no time he'll be―"

" _Jack_!"

Jack caught the oblique and lethal stare of caution he was receiving from Elizabeth, realizing he had gone too far. Jack bit his lower lip, darted his guilty eyes from the baby's suckling, right up to Elizabeth glare. Grinning, Jack then raised his brows in recognition of his offence. He took a deep breath and then offered a rather meek retreat,

"…oh, right. Got it―gone over the top a bit, 'ave I?"

"Yes, you _have_." Elizabeth replied sternly as she rolled her eyes giving Jack 'the look.'

Eyebrows lifting in the throes of being chastised, Jack then altered course while the going was good. Bobbing his head towards the door indicating where the other gathering pirates were, indicating that they were all still together and celebrating, Jack's kohl lined eyes widened a bit for effect as he made the suggestion,

"Me father's outside if y' care to entertain the notion fer introductions. I'd b' perfectly content t' send 'im 'way. Y' might want t' tear the tyke from yer―well, don't make m' say it, alright. I've already gone over the top in jus' five minutes. I expect the rest o' me life I'm t' be racked whilst bringin' up a male Sparrow in the world….takes some doin' luv…sorry."

"Jack…."

Elizabeth tried to be serious in her tone but he was just too comical in his mental ramblings…undoubtedly the wit was a much needed release from all the stress she assumed Jack had endured as well, but then Elizabeth asserted to him,

"Bring Teague in. I would very much like to introduce him to his grandchild."

"Aye," Jack sort of grumbled.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead before heading off to fetch his father. Jack opened the door and peered out and spotted Teague, who was standing against the rail outside looking over the cove. Jack cleared his throat before he spoke,

"Captain Teague, the Pirate King requests yer presence, then."

Quickly pulling Teague aside before entering the bedroom, Jack whispered into his father's ear,

"B'fore y' go in…I jus' 'ad t' tell y' out ere… _not_ t' worry, 'es inherited the Sparrow _family jewels_ ―hung like a bloody _horse_ , eh?"

Teague and then Jack burst into riotous laughter while ceremoniously huddled together in private, taking them several minutes to contain themselves before Teague could stop laughing and then replied to Jack,

"Aye, _now_ if the lad's brains get t' be bigger than 'is balls, then 'e _will_ have one up on his ol' dad fer certain."

Jack laughed heartily, nearly falling into his father as they both went on inside. That was when Jack suddenly realized his father had just insulted him! Standing there with a pout plastered upon his rugged face, Jack Sparrow swiftly shuffled back inside to catch up to Teague, for all were ready to regale the newest Sparrow into the world.

~~~~~~~~~~FINIS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


End file.
